


Hurts Like Hell

by Queen_Morbid



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, Post-Split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:40:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Morbid/pseuds/Queen_Morbid
Summary: Chibs Telford and the Reader have been together for a little less than a year. Their romance had started off impenetrable and dizzying, which led to a strong and sacred bond between the two. However, when SAMCRO and the Real IRA struggle between war and peace, what is the fate of Chibs and the Reader’s relationship?





	1. Chapter 1

“What happened love?” Y/N asked, gently blotting at the gash beneath his eye.

The sting of the peroxide on the open cut made him growl, but nonetheless, he let her tend to him. For the longest time, he had been used to patching up everyone, all his brothers. It was all he knew, being a medic had come easy and natural to him. So, when Y/N came along, and stuck around, it was bizarre to let her take care of him. There had been numerous stabbings, shootings, black eyes from brawls, that she had always taken care of. Just like him, healing came naturally to her, and what could he expect, she had been a nurse. She took care of people for a living, and she did a mighty fine job at that.

“Nothin’ dat ye need to worry yer pretty head about lass.” He said.

“You’re lying Filip.” She said with a straight face, examining the cut, determining whether he needed stitches or not.

At her accusation, he could only feel the strain of his jaws. They hadn’t been together long, but she could read him like a book. When he lied, she called him on it, when he was angry, she knew to stay back, when he was happy, so was she, and when he was sad, she let him lie his head in her lap while she ran her fingers through his hair. Soothing all his pain away with certainty. Y/N was always taking care of him, and yet he was only bringing her closer and closer to danger. Something he could not allow any longer.

“Just a wee scuffle.” He partly told the truth.

Jimmy O and his goons were in Charming, unhappy with Jax’s new reign over SOA. Chibs hadn’t like Jimmy for many reasons, but those reasons paled in comparison to the threats made to the club, made to Y/N. After hearing Jimmy’s threats, Chibs couldn’t take it and threw the first punch. This only ushered on the fading peace between the IRA and SAMCRO.

“Ah, so the day-to-day activities.” She confirmed with a small, taunting smile.

“Ay.” He nodded.

Her hands worked gently as she applied a small bandage to keep any bacteria or grime from getting into the gash. Then those comely, worried eyes skimmed over the puffy and bruised eye. “You’re going to need to ice that Filip. I’ll get you an ice pack, sit still.” She ordered, knowing how he hated to be worked on.

As she turned her back to him and moved across the kitchen to open the freezer, he decided now was the time to end their love. “Ghràdh, I think itta be best if we called it quits.”

He watched her freeze, the sag in her shoulders and the shaky exhale of breath. Then that vulnerability faded, and her posture was being forced to straighten out. She didn’t say a word, just opened the freezer and grabbed a blue ice pack. Shutting it gently, she turned to face him, face stoic, seemingly unphased by what he had said.

Y/N had heard what he said though, and it made her heart beat erratically in her chest. She wanted to break down, but she had to be rational, she couldn’t be weak. Placing the pack on the table, she’d look at him with wondering eyes. “What do you mean call it quits Filip?” But deep down, she knew what he meant. He said it clearly, but there had to be an explanation for why he wanted them to break up. Did he find someone else? Did he lose interest in her? What was it that made him want to end what they had?

Chib’s brown eyes fixated on, allowing the silence to fill the void between them. He could already see the fight looming, but he couldn’t battle with her. He needed to make this quick, make it as painless as possible. But he knew, knew that she would be stubborn about it. If he had bothered to explain that he was only ending their relationship to save her, then she’d refused to leave. She’d refuse to bow, and she would decide to stay, to fight with him. Cause’ that’s who Y/N was, a fighter. A warrior, a bloody pain in his arse.

So, he couldn’t tell her the truth. He had to lie, had to make her want to make her leave on her own accord. And that would require breaking her, and he knew just how to do that. “Ta means, I don want ye anymor.” He pronounced.

For a moment, all she could do was bite the tip of her tongue. Failing to force the clench of her throat, and the pooling tears in her eyes. When she finally decided to speak, her voice came out quiet and frail and it hurt the Scottish outlaw. “Y-You don’t want me anymore?”

He, himself couldn’t find his voice so all he could do was nod in approval at her question.

“Why though? Where did this come from? We were just fine last night Filip, what has changed in the span of 24 hours?” She questioned violently, trying to comprehend what was happening.

“My desire to be with ye, I don want ye. I’m sorry, babel.” He spoke with a straight expression one of a poker face.

Y/N felt the drop of her stomach and she could feel the switch of emotional pain, to anger. She had been used so carelessly, everything he had told her was a lie, every word uttered, every action taken, everything was a lie. Her lips coiled back in a sneer and spewed her words of a hatred at him. “You’re a coward Filip. And I, a willing fool who fell in love with you.”

He sat there, face still slacken and eyes unyielding of any sort of tell. What he had done, would forever be his biggest regret, and he would take it to his grave. But, Y/N’s safety, her life was worth much more. She was too important, and he wouldn’t risk her life like he had risked Fiona’s and Kerrianne’s years ago.

Wiping the tears on the back of her hand, she’d shake her head, attention directed to the ceiling. She felt like a fool, but he had made her one. She had been naïve and hopeful to believe that he was her person, she had made the mistake of loving him. She could feel the pain prickle across every inch of her flesh once she looked at him again.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone before I met you.” She whispered.

Whether it was true or not, her words still ripped through him like a bullet. He slowly rose to his feet before expressing once more how he felt. “I am sorry luv.”

“Get out, now.” She motioned towards the front door, not wanting to hear his apologies.

With that demand, he took one last fleeting glance at her before exhaling a breath. He turned and made his way to the front door which he slipped out and shut behind him.

After a few minutes, she had heard the roar of his motorcycle fade into the distance and she took a seat at the kitchen table. Allowing everything to sink in, to completely enthrall her.

And that was how Y/N lost her heart to a man who didn’t want it.


	2. Chapter 2

2 MONTHS LATER

 

She stared blankly ahead, lost in the memories of a man who no longer lingered in her life. It was easy to remember all of the little details of him, his Scottish twang, that infamous Glasgow smile, and of course, his heart that he kept buried and protected. Yet, she knew the softer side of Filip Telford, he had confided in her many times, and she relished in the fact that he could trust her. In a world where anarchy was the primary act, it was a relief to find someone you could trust, someone you could love.

“Y/N, you okay?” Allison asked, curiously peering at the dazed-woman.

Blinking idly, Y/N would shake her head a bit before adjusting her gaze to the questioning co-worker. Was she okay? She didn’t know. The last few weeks had been bewildering, and she couldn’t help but grow reclusive. The only time she ever went out, was when she worked, and she found herself picking up more shifts, so she wasn’t forced to sit and wallow in pity and pain.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m just a little tired.” She said.

Which wasn’t entirely a lie, she hadn’t slept well since her and Chib’s breakup. It was hard to avoid the Sons when you lived in Charming. Especially Jax, given his wife, Tara was a surgeon at St. Thomas. It wasn’t as if the men of mayhem hated her, in fact, they had counted on her numerous times to help patch up members whenever Tara couldn’t. They had grown to admire her, seeing her as a friend, seeing more importantly that she was a perfect match for Chibs.

“Why don’t you go home early today? You’ve worked two weeks straight, you need a break.” Allison frowned worriedly.

Exhaustion nipped and kissed at her eyelids, mind hazy and continuing to twirl wildly. She had to agree with her fellow nurse, she was tired. Supremely so, work had kept her busy, given she usually worked 12-hour shifts or even longer. And even though she wanted to force the images and thoughts of Filip from her head, she needed to sleep. She needed to rest, to allow her heart and mind to heal properly.

“Yeah, you don’t mind taking over for me?” Y/N asked.

Allison popped a grape into her mouth before shaking her head no. “Not uh, go ahead and head home.”

Y/N nodded before giving her co-worker a grateful squeeze on the shoulder. Idly, she walked towards her locker to grab her things.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

She had just settled into a pair of loose, grey sweats and a tattered black t-shirt when there was a knock at her front door. Her plan had been to eat a small dinner then go to bed, continuing to attempt to block out any thoughts of her ex. Being around the Sons had made her paranoid, well not so much paranoid, but overly cautious. So, it was no surprise that she had tip-toed to the front door and asked sternly who it was.

“It’s Juice, we need you at the clubhouse.” The Puerto-Rican rasped.

“For what? I don’t think that’s a good idea Juice.” She replied.

There was a stale silence for a moment or two before the outlaw spoke. “Tig is hurt, and Tara can’t come and patch him up. Chibs won’t be there for a few hours. We can’t take him to the ER.”

Exhaling a sigh, she would reluctantly agree. “Okay, just let me grab my supplies and I’ll meet you over there.”

She took his lack of response as an okay, and even though Chibs wasn’t going to be there, she didn’t feel comfortable associating with anything that he had.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

Tires rolled over the cement quietly, her eyes flickering towards the familiar clubhouse. Memories of the past infested her mind and all she could do was painfully embrace them. Putting the car into park, she would shut off the engine before taking the keys out of the ignition. Y/N looked over to find that Juice’s bike was already aligned with the others.

She felt a hard lump in her throat, one she couldn’t swallow past. Grabbing her medical bag, she would clamber out of the car and swing the strap over her shoulder. The bag was heavy, containing several things that she could possibly need in a drastic situation. Sneakers scuffed against the driveway as she made her way towards the clubhouse.

A hand curled around the doorknob before pushing it forward and easing herself into the main room. What she saw, didn’t really shock her. Tig was splayed across the pool table with his pants off, ass bare and bloody. Bobby was holding a rag to one of Tig’s cheeks, what she could only assume was to stop the bleeding. Juice was sitting on a bar stool, eyes directed to the scene in front of him.

Jax, Happy, Opie, and Chibs were nowhere to be found, and it slightly made her more relaxed.

“What happened?” She asked.

Bobby looked over at her, peering through a pair of thick-framed glasses. “Dumbass number 1 and 2 drugged a dog with some coke, and well, when Tigger here tried escaping, he got bit in the ass.”

Tig let out a groan of embarrassment. “It was Juice’s fault! I said give the damn dog somethin’ that would knock him out, not turn him into the Tasmanian devil.”

Juice’s shoulders were slumped forward with guilt, but his lips had a bit of smirk to them. “Sorry man.”

“Wow, okay. Umm, Juice get me some towels and a bowl or cup of hot water.” Y/N said.

Striding towards the pool table, she would run her fingers through Tig’s hair in hopes of relaxing him. This used to work with Chibs, so she based her actions on wishful thinking. And like magic, the raven-haired man relaxed beneath her hands and allowed his eyes to shut.

“I can’t promise this won’t hurt Tig, but I’ll make sure that cute little butt of yours, stays cute.” She smiled.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

An hour later, she had finished stitching up Tig. It didn’t help that he kept squirming and complaining about how much it hurt. After the stitches, she placed a gauze pad over it, just to keep it clean. “I recommend some pain meds, nothing too crazy. Your body needs to heal.” Y/N said, helping the woozy Trager to his feet.

“You’re such a cool cat, thank you, babe.” He said before leaning forward and pressing an adoring kiss to her cheek.

After that, he just looped his arm around her neck and leaned into her side. “How long do these stitches have to say in Nurse Nightingale?” He piqued.

Her eyes rolled but an amused chuckle vibrated within the depths of her throat. Tig was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for, which she didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

“The sutures will dissolve on their own in about a week or two. No strenuous actives though, I mean it, Alex.” She scowled.

He flashed a face of disgust at his birth-given name before kissing her cheek once more. “I can’t promise anything doll, but I’ll try for you. Thanks again.” He murmured before unwinding from her body and hobbling to his dorm in the back.

Bobby took a seat at the bar while Juice strolled towards her with a beer in hand. “Here, you earned it.” He said with a smile.

The offer was tempting, but she didn’t want to overstay her welcome and she definitely didn’t want to be there when Chibs arrived. “I appreciate it, but I can’t.” She didn’t want to extend on the details, but she had a feeling Juice understood, they all probably did.

She was in the middle of putting all her supplies back into the medical bag when the sound of the clubhouse door opening interrupted her. Glancing over her shoulder, she caught sight of Jax, Happy, and Opie all claiming the doorway with their overwhelming figures. They looked beat, probably from the road and all the antics that came along with being in an MC.

For a moment, she prayed that they didn’t see her, that she could just slip out, but that dream was short lived. Opie had glanced over in her direction and she saw his face light up briefly. She was close with all of the men, having had helped them all at one point in time. “Hey Y/N, long time no see.” He stated.

She tensed before offering a friendly smile, knowing that it wasn’t Opie’s or any of the guy’s fault for Chibs’s decision. “Hey, Op, sorry life just got in the way.”

His strides were long, easily sauntering to her. He wrapped his arms around her before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “It’s alright, I get it. Shit happens.”

She could only nod before finding Jax and Happy walking in their direction.

“Thanks for takin care of Tig darlin’,” Jax said with a charming grin.

If she had been his age, she probably would have been interested in him. But she wasn’t, she was older and in a completely different state of mind than he was. He was still a kid, and she was a grown woman, expecting only the best.

“Anytime you guys. Just try not to make it too frequent, or I’ll have to start charging ya’ll.” She spoke playfully.

The guys all let out a small chuckle, but the room went dead as soon as Chibs waltzed into the room. He hadn’t paid attention to her car in the parking lot or even knew that she was going to be there. But when he saw her, he felt the bloody air leave his lungs.

“Babel.” He greeted tersely.

It felt like a wave crashing into her, tangling all her limbs together and filling her lungs up with salty water. He still looked like the last time they had seen one another; the only difference was the lack of depth in his eyes.

“Filip.” She nodded.

Two months had dragged on, causing Chibs to realize just how alone he was. Sure, he had his brothers, his friends. But he didn’t have the woman he loved, the woman he could confide in about anything. He kept the details out, but he still could have told her them and she wouldn’t have ran. She would have stayed right beside him, loving him.

His life had become hollow and depressing, completely unbearable. It had been a mistake leaving Y/N, but it was a choice he had to make to keep her safe. The IRA were bastards, and Jimmy O was the biggest one out of all of them. Yet, what was there to fight for when he had left Y/N blistering in the cold. She was all that truly mattered, the love she offered him was one he hadn’t ever faced in his lifetime.

She was his soulmate.

While she was off being useful in life, he was too busy drowning his sorrows in liquor and women. Women that amounted to nothing compared to the woman he had abandoned.

“Ca’ we talk in private lassie?” He asked.

Did she even want to talk to him? He had cut her out of his life so easily, but even after that, she couldn’t stop loving him.

“Okay.” She muttered.

He began walking to the Chapel, Y/N biting into her lip before following after them. Once they were both inside, he shut the door behind him and exhaled a frustrated grunt.

She had never been inside of the Chapel, mainly because it was due to it being members only. However, she was a trusted person of SAMCRO, therefore she was allowed to be in there, at least with Chibs. Y/N stood there with her arms crossed over her chest, staring curiously at the back of his head. When he finally turned around, he let his gaze sweep across her form in a hungry, starved fashion.

Even in sweats and some ratty t-shirt, she was still the most beautiful god damn thing he had ever seen. Cautiously, he stepped closer to her before breathing out his words. “Ah am sorry barra. Ah, am a fecking div.”

His sudden apology made her lose all the harsh, critical words she wanted to say to him. That she had been practicing since he had left her broken in the kitchen. Now, she was succumbing to him all over again and she was petrified, because the last time she let him in, he destroyed her.

“Filip, I-“ She began, but he interjected.

“Anno ah am an arsehole, but that doesn’t change ta fact that I love ye.” He continued speaking while moving closer to her.

“I just didn’t want ye ta get hurt. This life be dangerous, and I wouldn’t risk yer life as well babel.”

She glanced up at him with teary eyes, she hadn’t known the specific reasons why Chibs had left her, but what he was saying now made her reanalyze everything she had thought. He had been protecting her or at least trying to. In the process of trying to save her, he had corrupted her.

“Filip, I love you, and I will always love you. But I deserved better than that, I deserved an explanation. I never once gave up on you, no matter how bad or how terrifying. I stuck it out, because of you, because I want you. You can’t protect me, life works in mysterious ways and if something were to happen to me, then it wouldn’t be in your control. It would be in the will of the worlds. I am not scared to be with you, I am not scared of the people that are your enemies. I am just scared of living a life without you in it.” She whimpered.

Her last sentence was all he needed to hear, all he had been longing to hear. With hasty movements, he was grasping her face between his calloused hands and pressing his lips softly to the center of her forehead. When she wound her arm around his neck, he maneuvered his mouth down to hers. Y/N’s warm breath fanned across his lips and he could feel a need clawing at the back of his neck.

Slowly, almost tauntingly, did his lips ghost across hers. And when she finally molded into him, their tongues tangled, and teeth clashed together violently. The room was filled with breathless moans and the soft coos from either person.

Chibs had hoisted Y/N onto the chapel table, positioning himself between her thighs while pressing hunger nips to her throat. “Ah am a fool for ye.” He whispered against her flesh, relishing in the way she smelled, the way she tasted. She set a fire to all his senses and he wouldn’t ever douse it.

“I love you, Filip.” She purred.

“And, ah ye.” He said before realigning their lips together once more.

The remainder of their reconciliation was spent adorning one another’s bodies, reminding each other who they belonged to.

Who their souls belonged to.


End file.
